Series 12 - Week 11

Friday already?!  Ah well, no reason why we can't still cast our minds back to the festivities of last Saturday, which brought us the CONTROVERSIAL dance-off which saw Pixie out of the competition.   The week before, when I was all, like, ‘now ANYTHING could happen and ANYONE could go’, what I actually meant was ‘now ANYTHING could happen and ANYONE could go - except Pixie leaving, cause ain't no way she's getting kicked out a dance off'.  So, to use the technical term: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry Justine, I hope you hadn’t set your heart on the £14 sweepstake winnings.

Man alive – it's still quite a shocker, really, but Len had to follow his heart and his heart couldn't let him vote for Pixie's bendy-straight cha cha legs.  I bet Craig is going to be so furious that he’s going to retire his ten paddle for 2014 in protest at Len and Darcey’s votes the other way.  I'll be on petulant pout-watch during all of Saturday's semi-final.

Back to the quarters, and I suppose some people might have been turned off by Team Trixie's eye-blitzing gleam of hot pink and blonde, even if Pixie still had better giant wig work in Halloween week.  I also had serious toned back envy -  she looked fabulous in her Barbie swimwear and a skirt seemingly made from what I'm reliably informed is called a 'bath lily'. (Yes, it was an objectively unattractive outfit, but I’m now comparing it to the suit she wore on It Takes Two on Monday, which probably has to be the worst outfit I’ve ever seen on Strictly – yes, including Tess’ yellow jumpsuit.  If you missed it, then think pale pink leather frilled Chairman Mao trouser suit.  It was another level horrific, which is an achievement in itself).

Fashion aside, a lot of people probably weren’t that into Pixie’s cha cha (the DANCE, my GOD), which was fine enough, but also a bit snoozesome towards the end.  Plus I now realise that Love Shack is a super divisive number – I love it, but others, inexplicably, do not.  It was not, for example, received with much relish at a recent work karaoke session, to my great surprise. (Turns out work karaoke is an interesting barometer for popular musical choices – Cher’s Turn Back Time, for example, was an absolute success.  Now there's a song for the dance floor, please - I'm thinking Iveta and a fabulously camp paso, with male and female costume inspiration from the video to boot.  NRSFW.)

Simon might even have been (*whispers it*) slightly better at his dance, on the night...?  Kristina is throwing everything and more into this now, and I fear slightly for her sanity.  This week saw her emerge triumphant from the Who Gets To Wear Red This Week battle; going full Marilyn in wet look plunging scarlet and Angelina Jolie leg, distracting all from Simon’s white waiter’s jacket – not a good look.  But Simon seems to have cracked this dancing lark and is really quite charming these days.  It’s also no surprise that Len preferred the fancy footwork and legal lifts of an American Smooth over the tricky leg action and leap-over-the-sofa ILLEGAL LIFT of the cha cha cha.  (It’s also no surprise that Darcey opted to save a male celeb – since she openly voted for Steve’s guns over whichever better woman he was up against, her dancing gender-bias has been fairly clear.)

So yeah – there we go.  The competition’s best dancer is gone, and Mark Towie remains, and continues to treat all comments from the judges as the invitation to a chat/Mark monologue.  To be fair, though, Mark’s foxtrot might have been one of my favourites of the night (slim pickings, guys, slim pickings), even though there seemed to be some unsightly bulging in his dress trousers. 

For I’m afraid I didn’t totally LURRRVE Caroline’s Argentine Tango – there, I’VE SAID IT.  To begin with, I found her fringing too long – it’s not often I advocate a mullet cut, but that skirt would have been better with a tartier cut at the front.  Then, although the lifts were AMAZING, I found some of the joiny bits a bit flumfy.  Yes, that’s all the technical terminology and expert dance judging eye you need from Strictlycad, right there:  ‘Joiny’ and ‘flumfy’.

To be honest, Caroline’s AT sort of sums up my view of the whole series.  I’m *nearly* loving it and my head’s all “come on, this is good stuff”, but my heart’s all “yeah, but I’m not sure I really care that much”.  Remember when Vinthent fell off his chair, then performed an electric Argentine Tango with Beige Rachel?  Remember when Karen Hardy threw a strop at Mark Ramprakash, then got wrapped up in a microphone wire, then performed *that* salsa.  Yeah, I’m missing that.  Everyone’s a bit bland and everything’s a bit controlled (bar Claudia, thank Gawd).  Frankie most of all, I’m afraid.  Her W-O-R-K salsa was notable mainly for Kevin expressing a heart attack through the medium of latin dance.  It was not for me.

Having said all that, it’s not a total blandathon; ¡Manrara! continues to serve up the quirk. It wasn’t their best, but I’d say I enjoyed about 90% of Jake’s circus charleston, which is probably proportionally more than the other couples.  Janette’s lifts were ever fearless and exemplary and Jake’s face-mugging reached new levels, though he was entirely inappropriately dressed for the comedic ringmaster look – HELLO WHERE ARE YOU SCARLET TAILS AND WHIP?

Speaking of bad outfits – NOT TESS.  I know - almost as much of a shocker as Pixie leaving.  I absolutely LOVED her Saturday outfit – that crossover neckline!  Mwwwah!  She could even have made it two from two, had she not insisted on jumpsuiting the bottom half of Sunday's outfit.  Mind you, Claudia did the same, with added comedic platforms, and pushed me further towards the boundaries of not accepting Winkledom fashion than I have ever been before.  Her purple jumpsuit was... let’s leave it there before I say something I regret.

On the pro-dance front, I very much enjoyed the dancing and partner swapping in the water troughs number – heavy petting not banned in those paddling pools, I note.  I was convinced for most of it that Ola was Joanne, which vexed me, and I didn't fancy the guest champion latin dancer much, but Aljaz was there, so there was still a bit of swoon going on.  OneRepublic got a Kristina/Trent paso to that Lately I've Been I've Been Losing Sleep song, which I liked at the time, but I've now established that all pasos should be ridiculously performed to Cher's Turn Back Time, so I'm afraid it's gone down in my estimation.  Fair?  Who cares.

I’ve also just realised that I completely forgot to talk about the Waltzathon.  

In truth, I see no reason to rectify that situation.

SO THERE WE ARE.  One more hurdle til the final.  Who’s going to fall?  I get the impression that Jake is a solid crowd favourite, as are Caroline and Frankie.  Simon could benefit from dance-off bounce back – but, even if he doesn’t, he’s got a strong track record of being selected by Len for his good footwork, which is not to be underestimated.  So by that logic, it’s Mark Towie for the chop – and, he’s got a rumba, FFS.  We all know what that means: keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep cringing!