Series 12 - The Final

Forget Caroline 'trained dancer' Flack and Pasha 'always gets the ringer' Kovalev's victory and their historic perfect score – the REAL news is that Vicki has won the Strictlycad sweepstake an unprecedented TWO times in a row! That's a greater achievement than any of our professionals have managed!  Well done Vicki!  (May you end up with Anton next year.)

But back to the dancing – and how was it for you?  For me the result... well, it was fine, but it wasn't optimal.  I was glad to see Mark leave first, which seemed fair, but ended up a bit gutted to see Simon absolutely nail the Argentine Tango, then be pipped to the prize, even if it was because of some enjoyable wafty wafty (i.e. Caroline's showdance). 

Of course, we'll never know whether Simon came close to winning, or whether it was actually Frankie who was the runner-up, seeing as the BBC don't reveal the second and third places.  But it really did feel like a duel between Caroline's charmingly overblown, contemporary showdance (in actually good showdance shocker), and Simon's electric Argentine Tango.  The AT just got me in the end – the caressing leg flicks were just SO GOOD, Kristina's velvet boobs were just SO PRESENT and the sexual tension between them (between Simon and Kristina that is, not between Kristina's boobs) was tinglingly excellent.  Perhaps it was because it was the last dance I saw, perhaps it was the promise of the £14 jackpot if he won (yeah that, mainly), but my Strictly champion heart belonged – in the end – to Simon and lovely Kristina.  

Still, gambling loss aside, kudos to the winners, Flackers and Pashers – Caroline had been the favourite for a while, certainly since Jake left, and she was a rather marvellous dancer (“CAUSE SHE'D BEEN TRAINED FOR YEARS” scream the masses).  Her highlight was the bit in her showdance when she did a Rihanoff thigh clamp AND full body arm clamp on Pasha, who then lifted her up in the air and ran whilst she did a back bend above his head.  Yeah, that was a bit good.  I also enjoyed how they aimed squarely for the Eurovision vote, with a smoke-machine/wind-machine/giant skirt/skirt-cropping opening section.  Douze points for that.  And whilst Simon and Kristina's energetic showdance also incorporated tasteful stripping, it felt a bit messy and rushed in parts – so I guess, when you took the last two dances as a whole, Caroline did edge it with that successful reconstruction of her fun Istanbul charleston.  Pasha even managed to keep his naughty fez in check.

I suspect Frankie's fate was sealed when the judges picked out her samba as the 'Do It Again' performance - that was the one that made her cry and Craig drawled was her “worst dance yet”.  It also involved Kevin wearing a horrific faux-ethnic t-shirt with high-waisted Fucking Red Trousers, so why ANYONE would sanction a repeat of that, I'll never know.  I was a bit peeved about the judges' choices, to be honest; this series has sealed it in my mind that the cha cha cha is my least favourite dance (yes, behind waltz and rumba – it surprised me too), and yet we got two of them this final, from Mark and Caroline, notable only for the worm and that excellent fringe dress.  We also got Simon's Pearly King charleston which I was fairly grumpy about last time too – I do not care for those pearls.

Conversely, the show dance section was actually way better than I might have feared.  I've gushed about Caroline and slightly glossed over Simon already (though it's not like Simon's showdance was a dud – there were some excellent moments and it was good overall).  And sure, we got a dud in Mark and Karen's aerobics number, which was basically: bum on banister, dodgy lift, kick a bit, cartwheel, run run run run run run, more kicks, better lift, end.  But I rather enjoyed Frankie's I Am 16 Going On 17 ballroom-tastic showdance, with the feathery-est of skirts being whirled around some benches.

I was less taken with Frankie's paso, but that was solely and purely down to Kevin's horrible outfit.  Whilst colourful tight trousers with short-sleeved shirts and ties looked acceptably cool on the Jets and Sharks, they made Grimsby look like a wacky accountant.  I'd hoped that Wardrobe might have done some tweaking for the final, but – to no avail.  Perhaps they'd spent all their efforts on getting both Claudia and Tess to don lovely dresses in a colour other than black.  Which was an impressive feat, let's face it.

Most impressive of all, though? The Class of 2014 Best Of group dance, which I LURVED. The best bit was OBVIOUSLY Scott and Joanne doing the crab in the background and entirely scene-stealing, but I also enjoyed the high profile digs that had been choreographed for Pixie and Jake, taking on pro-style leads, and generally blasting the competition.  My only reticence: not enough TAM! close-ups.

We're gearing up for the end now, peeps. Dances blogged, dresses blogged, crab reappearance blogged – there's little left.  A quick word on the star guest performers – the newly dwindled Take That, in matching boring ringmaster suits, kindly letting the pros peacock one last time before Christmas.  (It was also quite impressive how they'd gone back in time to perform before Ola got injured on a ski slope.)  Dodgy tax affairs have made me give up Starbucks, but I confess I still use Amazon and – just as bad – I really like Take That's new 'These Days' song, and was hoping we'd get a latin number to it.  We did, and some other Take That classics, besides.  It's a delightfully long way from that sea of candles and whatever musical dirge it was that Annie Lennox forced upon us all those weeks ago. 

So there we go!  It's not been a vintage series for me (and that wasn't all Annie's fault, but rate-grabbings themes and 'shock' exits) - the final was fun, but the real rumble of excitement just never quite happened.  But still, we'll be left with a few cracking dances (not least Jake's salsa and samba), as well as everything last triumphant that Judy Murray did off the dancefloor (not least a galloping horse impression with Natalie Lowe across the Clauditorium - what a gal).  And let's not forget the ever wonderful wonder that is Claudia Winkleman.  We'll always have that, people, we'll always have that.

So Merry Christmas one and all – don't forget the Strictly special on Christmas Day (if you can handle Bruce after a blissful season without him).  I warn you though - it involves Russell Grant dressed as a genie.  Thanks for reading and until next time...  Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep dancing!