Series 12 - Week 9

Remember a hundred years ago, when the celebs all got back from Blackpool and Steve tried his best to jive, but he couldn't really do it, so left after the dance off?  That was some time ago, wasn't it?  Hmmmm...  So, yeah, soz for the delay and let's treat this blog as a last week recap before the Round The World 'fun' tomorrow.   (Who knows when I'll get round to blogging that one?)

Poor Steve, but when your ankle isn't even made of ankle anymore, bouncy flicks and kicks were always going to be a struggle.  Besides, Ola had clearly given up and was hoping for the end to come nigh-er than ever before.  Seriously - that was an unusual lack of Jordan effort.  I mean, call that a Strictly American Footballer costume?  A full-strength Ola would have insisted on sticking Steve in gold lycra bumhuggers with strategically placed lacing and black sequinned make-up under the eyes.   But no, we got mild sailor trousers and a '10' on a not-tight-enough T-shirt.  Poor show.  Steve still seems very lovely though, doesn't he?  And he can return to his life as a wildlife expert, and TV teatime treat for mums, with a few extra fans to spare.  As for our Ola, that could well have been her last Strictly competition – if it is, ah well, so be it.  She leaves behind her a legacy of lace catsuits, some unused cans of Tuff-en-up, and the original charleston swimming face.

Dan, meanwhile, leaves his £1 in the competition.  Sorry Dan - and it's all hotting up now!

Although Sunetra had the dance-off edge, this waltz wasn't her most confident ballroom.  I think she's probably quite knackered. (I know I would be, after nine weeks of incessant dancing with Brendan.)  Wardrobe weren't particularly helpful either - using up Darcey's thermal diamanté for Sunetra's top half, and different deniers to boot.  I loved the swishy chocolate silky skirt, but the top looked like granny tights stitched and stretched.  Not good.  I think we'll probably see Sunetra leave tomorrow and then... well, ANYTHING could happen (provided that ANYTHING is one of the remaining dancers leaving week by week, until there are four, or is it three, left).  But it's certainly true that the standard is really special this year.  Truly.  

For starters, there was the latin quarter - you wait several series for a non-embarrassing male latin, and then two come along at once. 

Firstly, Simon’s salsa, which I really rated – possibly the first time we’ve actually seen a celeb do all that intricate underarm/overarm tangling without getting stuck and stilted somewhere along the way.  He looked comfortable and bendy, but all this improvement can only mean one thing – Kristina’s inevitable mascara-smeared meltdown when Simon doesn’t win.

Of course my favourite male latin of the night... well, who else? HEEEEEEYYYY MACARENA ALIIIGHT.  Sorry Dave Myers, but Jake's samba has replaced Moves Like Jagger as my Go To Dance of Strictly Joy.  It was hilarious, but also brilliant – a jokey dance performed by someone who can dahhnce.  I loved it all - the mugging, the thrusting, the bum shimmy, the everything.  Perhaps it wasn’t technically perfect, but to put it bluntly - GIVE A SHIT, LOSERS.  Yes it was over-marked on the technical stuff, yadda yadda blah blah zzzz, but who cares!   I thought the tens were fully deserved.  ¡Manrara! is a genius.  Now, please excuse me, I’m just off to watch it again.  And then again, again.  (Maybe that's why this blog's a week late...)

I appreciate it was a marmite dance, but for me, Jake blew everyone else out the water.  Caroline, Pixie and Frankie were probably all more polished in terms of technique, but I found Frankie’s Viennese Waltz as boring and repetitive as the What's New Pussycat? riff.  Yes, her dress was awesome (possibly the best scarlet of the year, and that is saying something), but I’m starting to find Frankie a bit botlike, and not in a terrifying Natalie Lowe 'primed to win or kill' type of way.  

I just can’t get fully thrilled about Caroline either.  I get that she’s really great and has insanely good pointy feet, but I'm finding her and Pasha together a little bit... well, bland.  (God, it feels sacrilegious to slag Pasha off, even a bit).  Caroline certainly did well to deal with her dress slip, but part of me found that the most exciting part of the dance.  Also, I can’t bear crooning, so Mack The Knife wasn't never going to be my jam.  (Still, Craig was taking the piss giving that a seven.  That was no way a seven.)

Pixie’s probably my favourite girl then, by default – my, what praise!  Personally, I found her charleston a bit bow-legged and out of sync in parts, which the judges were apparently scripted to ignore.  Also Trent, in tight velvet, was more 1970s Eurovision backing singer, than 1920s spatted Gatsby, but I suppose that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Actually, it was tight waistcoats galore, as Mark had been parked in one too – sadly, holiday camp-style fake sapphire lapels do not command the dramatic majesty needed for the tango.   I liked the music and choreography, but I’ve been off Mark for the last couple of weeks and the trip to the Isle of Fernando - the world's most ITV2 kind of place - didn't really help.  (I mainly blame that over-marked Blackpool charleston, as this hugely under-rehearsed tango was really good and it’s entirely unfair of me to be po-faced about it.)

What else happened?  Anyone remember?  Oh yes, Claude returned!  And how wonderful it was to see her.  She looked glorious in a jumpsuit, such are her magic powers (well on Saturday anyway, but one case of  jumpsuit success probably gives you a pass for another, and being Claudia Winkleman gives you a pass on pretty much anything).  Meanwhile, Tess is flirting with dressmess again, I see.  Her Saturday white dress involved some kind of unnecessary sabre tooth necklace, whilst Sunday's number was made of peach mildew.  Darcey too was getting in on the weird body paint shenanigans - she appeared to have a tinsel eagle plastered over her shoulders.

We also got a fun homoerotic cops and robbers pro-dance - Robin's glee at dancing with Aljaz was fully understandable.   And then Barry Manilow did a couple of numbers, one of which I'll gloss over, the other of which was Copacabana, which is, quite simply, a CHOON, and fully deserved a play, even if Barry is now singing it through a face made of wax.  What with that and the Macarena, I don't quite see how the Round The World theme is going to live up to such cheesy international heights.  Though I confess I am curious to see how Jake and Janette handle an Argentine Tango to Zorba The Greek (seriously).  Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep WTF?!?!