Susanna Reid and Kevin CliftonDrawn by Holly
If their post-matching interview hadn't already made it obvious, here is the confirmation – this is not a pairing made in the land of chemistry. The body language from Susanna just screams 'ESCAPE ESCAPE' - it's clear she wanted a partner to fancy (perhaps a Russian with rock hard man boobs) and Kevin is just... well, he's a child, isn't he?
Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Brendan Cole
Drawn by Justine
Drawn by Justine
That's some unflattering eye-sequin gluing, if you ask me – how unusual of wardrobe to try and sabotage natural beauty. (AHEM. HOLLY VALANCE. FLAVS. ETC.) Also, the shiny peach theme reminds of the toiletries range M&S continually pushed in the eighties, which is probably not a compliment. I am however enjoying Brendan's attempt to subtly beef his own guns – look at the tension in his fist. Vein-popping. Or so he wishes.
Drawn by Catherine
How can he hold her up by the bottom of her thigh, whilst her bum is balancing on pure air? (Core of steel or a little something called Dodgy Photoshop?) Anyway, turns out Ben Cohen is not the only male celeb with arms. Check this photo out: #nurseguns
Rachel Riley and Pasha KovalevDrawn by Abi
Oh Rachel. Oh dear. What is that 'pose', do we think? A half-arsed flamenco attempt or a go at the classic Southern belle 'woe is me' fainting stance (no idea what dance that would be)? Pasha's eyebrows say it all, really - though perhaps that's because they've styled him as a racing driver. At least Rachel still has that lovely scarlet dress for her inevitable (and swift) return to the day job.
Drawn by Ben
I can't decide if Iveta is an Aliona – all self-serving flirtation and oversexed me-me-meisms – or a rather more sweet and innocent girl, who sometimes (and utterly inadvertently you understand) poses like a total ho-bag. A propos of NOTHING, anyone seen that Channel 4 dieting show, the name of which escapes me.
Drawn by Katie
Ain't no thigh clamp like a Rihanoff thigh clamp. And let me be clear: who wouldn't? Kristina's look is serene happiness. Ben Cohen's look is *indeterminate mumbling noises and a Strictlycad hot flush*
Drawn by Isabelle
Firstly, let me say how much I enjoy saying 'Manrara'. Manrara. Manrara. Try it. SEE. Manrara.
Secondly, Julien's face is always the same – frozen in surprised FABLAS joy. I have strong botox suspicions.
Thirdly, if he's already at this level of diamante encrusted lacy chiffon, I can barely imagine where he'll be come Blackpool. Halloween is going to be special.
Fourthly, Jeanette’s tassle skirt. Yes please. MANRARA.
Vanessa Feltz and James Jordan
Drawn by Louise.
Drawn by Louise.
Vanessa’s knee.
James’ testicles.
A meeting of minds.
Fiona Fullerton and Anton du Beke
Drawn by Dan
Drawn by Dan
Fiona apparently calls Anton ‘Mr Wonderful’. Excuse me whilst I barf up my own intestines. I fear we may be in for several weeks of Anton this year. Good luck everyone.
Drawn by Jules
I don’t like Deborah’s flesh-coloured batwings, but the fringing is good. Also of excellent note: ROBIN’S ENGAGEMENT RING. Come wedding week, I will unquestionably ignore my own self-imposed Daily Mail Showbiz website ban, mainly to see how Robin and Mr Robin dressed their puppy.
Dave Myers and Karen HauerDrawn by Jo
Karen Hauer has been carrying out a blatant 'WE ARE THE FUN ONES' Twitter campaign (sample hashtags: #HairyDancers #TeamShakeandBake #beansontoast) and I have 100% fallen for it. Turns out that Karen’s lack of personality last year was down to dancing with Nicky Westlife. (A member of Westlife sucking all colour out of life. WHAT? Shocking, I know. ) Dave just seems a delight. A DELIGHT.
Drawn by Beth
Excellent mood face from ATD, even in purple satin. Sure, Ola’s hair could do with a brush, but I suspect her target market isn’t focusing on that part of her anatomy.
Drawn by Terry
Oh my God – did anyone realise Artem had such massive pectoral muscles?!?!?! Wowsers! Who knew. Etc.
Drawn by Laura
My favourite thing here is Aliona's superimposed giant slanty head - and yet she still looks pissed off. By the way, you know how we all laughed the thousand laughs of a hyena when Aliona was paired with Tony? Well, turns out Tony lives in Florida, so the BBC had no alternative but to fly Aliona out to the Sunshine State for their three weeks of ‘training’. Her Twitter feed is mainly photos of glorious sunshine and smug showing off. That girl ALWAYS falls on her feet. Apart from when she had to train with Johnny Ball. And in that case...
Abbey Clancy and Aljaz Skorjanec
Drawn by Vicki
Drawn by Vicki
Abbey’s turquoise ruff looks well dirty.
P.S. Hiya Aljaz.
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