It was time Ruth. You did your best, looking Catherine Deneuve beautiful, but Anton was to blame, churning out a boring ballroom after last week’s paso triumph. (That’s the last time I use "Anton" and "triumph" in the same sentence.) Also, no wig, Ruth. Tut tut. Whereas AJ is clearly reading the blog and avoided the dance off, by all-guns-blazing-it in an embroidered bolero, bare chest and crisscross laced up naked corset belt. #justsaying.
Mollie was still a bit lucky though - it was a good choreography to an unexpectedly excellent paso song choice (Layla, car ad riff, flamenco arms, OLÉ!), but she isn’t quite as good as we all want her to be. I mean, if that had been Alexandra... shivers.
Because that Argentine Tango. Man oh man. Woman oh woman. Shivers indeed. My timbers were going haywire seeing her and Gorks stamping on each others’ feet and high-kicking on the banisters. So exciting and tense and intricate. Maybe not perfect perfect, but in spirit - well, we’re talking Rachel and Vinthent-levels, frankly.
And speaking of, take a look at who was in the front row! Mr Thimone himthelf! Looking a bit old and unimpressed if I’m honest. He's probably just peeved that he was replaced so quickly as Resident Comedy Sexy Italian by Giovanni the younger model, who may be less comedically red-blooded, but has a waaaay more Italiano name. And if that wasn’t enough, Gio the youthful substitute got cougar-ed with the lovely Debbie McGee, rather than the terrifying Stephanie Beecham. I'm not sure Vinthent is over that trauma yet.
Well done Debbie, surviving the older woman death knell that is the salsa (although set in an opticians WTF?) Of course the main Debbie props go to her full-on bringing back a infamous and (literally) gripping move I didn't dare hope we would ever revisit. Ladies and gentlemen, it's only the FLIPPING MIMSY SPIN! Absolutely amazing!!! It had been some time since anyone had braved that sturdy hand/thighs of steel wedge classic. Not since Flavs and Eastenders Thingy got together off the back of it! So you know *raises eyebrows*
Also getting in on some excellent lift action: Davood who chucked Nads over his shoulder and caught her by one thigh, which was a bit good, wasn’t it? I wasn’t entirely convinced by the rest of the dance, but that sort of made up for it. Maybe it was Nadiya’s charleston chops - it’s tricky to turn such a conventionally beautiful face into cartoon gurning.
Am hoping dance-off victor Jonnie gets a charleston soon back - even if it might be tricky getting swivel on a blade (but if anyone can...). I just want him back in the lift game soon, and away from zzzz dances like this yawny foxtrot. Though TBF, I spent most of it marvelling at how Oti was clearly created in a lab genetically modifying towards humanesque perfection which shut down once they’d made Oti cause job done.
Job done too for Joe, not for being a perfect human, but for getting though the Dreaded Male Rumba without the audience collectively reaching for the sick bag. I too survived it vom-free; mostly distracted by Katya’s pink plumage/tentacles skirt. Like she'd gone out in a dress made of boas, then jumped repeated into several puddles, so they became perfectly bedraggled by mud splashback. (Which reminds me, my toddler requested that I LIFT HIM OVER a puddle today. A puddle-resistant toddler?!? What kind of two year old, IS HE? One who intelligently realises that his parents put him in inappropriate footwear that morning.)
Susan did good dress too - brick scarlet, complete with frowny tango face. Not my favourite of hers, but she’s still evidently caning the votes. Blackpool (for yes, it’s next week already - they’ve gone pretty easy on the fanfare this year haven’t they?) promises a Strictly Ballroom-inspired paso. A great concept for K&S - unconventional ugly duckling wows overblown competitive ballroom world - but I fear it will flop, as I’m not sure that many of the core Strictly audience will have seen the Baz Luhrmann namesake (do - SO GOOD).
I remember nothing about Gemma’s performance. Seriously. Nada. Not even Aljaz’s trouser situation. Ummm *squeezes brain* Nope.
To Sunday then! And the annual Remembrance Sunday pro-dance, with a rather touching soldier/sweetheart theme - the star of which was a battered bomber jacket, so take that Brendan. It was actually quite affecting - even Anton saluting on a working treadmill had some poignancy. Sort of.
Tess and Claude picked up Sunday’s sober tone in elegant black; Tess somehow pulling off a one shoulder cape, Claude in SKIRT ENVY. Darcey opted for skintight peach; it’s what the veterans would’ve wanted.
Seal turned up to croon something emosh which wasn’t Kiss From A Rose (*disappointment emoji*), to which Anton and Nadiya wafted around respectfully, in full Disney princess sleeves. For the avoidance of doubt, it was Nads in the sleeves.
But the night’s highlight came at the very end - sombre tones be damned! And against the odds, this moment in Strictly history was cemented by Mr Anton du Beke (I know!!! What are the odds?! Maybe I will yet re-use "Anton" and "triumph" in the same sentence). Readers, I give you pile-on-gate, where Anton's last dance with Ruth culminated in him oh so gracefully lifting the trousers and reclining to the floor, ready for Ruth to straddle him, which she did, immediately, without hesitation and committing her full ballgown-ed body to the task, before the class of 2017 legged it in for a "PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILE ONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!". It was wonderful.
Special mention to a) Oti Mabuse, for leaping on in third and turning the situation from an intimate dry hump to a working pile; b) Nadiya Bychkova, for not really clocking the necessary aggression that drives a very cultural phenomenon and sweetly kneeling to the side and patting whoever had most recently leapt; and c) (and most of all), to Miss Debbie McGee, for legging it over when the pile was already high and committing to a full body leapfrog to the summit, pant flash be damned. It was excellent work all round. I just hope next Sunday's show ends with a round of British Bulldog across the Tower Ballroom. Brexiteers will simultaneously cream their pants at the most national of displays and express knee-jerk horror at such undignified violence on a family show.
In short, they’ll maintain their natural state. Oi oi, a bit of unexpected politics to end things there. Hope you enjoyed! Know what I’d enjoy? Boris Johnson resigning. Well this has taken an unexpected turn, hasn’t it... It's ok, we've got chips, gravy, donkeys and shots of that super cool seafront floor to look forward to next week, with such biting sophisticated political satire back to a minimum. Taxi to Blackpool! Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeepetc!
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