No longer a star of our show: Wee Daniel - the pipes, the pipes, have called Danny Boy away, a little too soon for my liking. He fell between two (Westlife?) stools; his airline pilot-themed American Smooth was neither stage-school amazing nor pant-wettingly hilarious (Jeremy, yo!), but I was really enjoying his gentle improvement and gentle schtick: no-one else has ever managed to banter with Tess successfully. At least Kristina's dance sensuality and cleavage can finally be unzipped for the pro-numbers. Demure no more! Let La Rihanoff return without fear of tabloid take-down!
Dance off survivor: Kirsty's paso was the same as her other dances. She looked beautiful but her dancing was lacking something and Brendan had to shunt her around too much and blah blah I'm just going to copy and paste that now ready for next week.
Top of the leaderboard: ANTON DU WHAAAA?!?! Anton du Best - and it only took thirteen years. Katie was amazing and gorgeous, even if Wardrobe had seen fit to stick her in a high denier flesh bodystocking and shoot sequins at her boobs.
Wardrobe's most hated: The guns (glue and staple, not muscular) were out in force; Giovanni's preposterous feather-lined nipple-grazing waistcoat and Janette's golden dandruff fringing got the brunt of it. Mind you, I remember little else of Pandre's tango and Georgia's quickstep (use of S-Club aside).
Silky shirt-off: And indeed, shirts off and nips ahoy. Gleb (in the silky samba sky-blue corner) and Aljaž (in the silky salsa scarlet corner) both did some pec flashing for the laydeez and gaydeez - but who was better? Aljaž, of course, with his dressing up box making yet another welcome appearance. (Dr Skorjanec will see you now, if he's not too exhausted from his night shift and protesting Jeremy C... I mean, Hunt's latest measures). Elsewhere in paso land, we got 'treated' to a Robin disco vest on Brendan (oh Brendan, not without the protein shakes, dear), whilst Pasha dared a more season-appropriate polo neck.
Straight up: Finally a dance to suit the twerky bum thrusting that Tristan likes to choreograph for Jamelia. I also very much enjoyed the Paula Abdul appearance - dressed as an unhinged WASP in foulard and yappy dog, throwing some passive-aggressive shade with the line "the strong and confident woman I hear you are, Jamelia." (Blatant code for 'bitches be sayin' you're a forthright cow, J'.). As much as I enjoy a ragtime pop cover, I do think Paula's Straight Up original is better and it further highlighted a personal regret that Opposites Attract has yet to make a Strictly appearance; I can see it fitting a cracking samba and I'm sure Lance the Singer could do a fine MC Skat Kat for Dave Arch.
Zzzzzzzzzz: Ironically, Kellie and Kevin's very competent foxtrot could have done with some lashings of Camembert to perk it up, whilst Ainsley and Natalie's waltz could have benefitted from can't-remember-the-routine improvised bumography.
You're my favourite: YAY JEREMY! Splish splash, he was taking a bath, dressed in the most horrific turquoise vomit motif. Those long gangly limbs weren't made for jiving but who cares?!! It was joyfully hilarious. He'd better be the last duffer to go, British Public, else I'll shake my fist at you.
Hair-watch: Jay is actually very handsome, perhaps, even with that permed bouffe - or such is the power of fantastic dance that I've been blinded by his talent after last week. Why Aliona didn't keep the Uma black bob is beyond me; manchego-coloured hair is not a good look when it blends so perfectly into the same shade of fake tan. Tess Daly had the best hair of the weekend with that beehive though. Amaze.
Tessdressmess: Indeed Sunday's TessesTresses were good enough for us to gloss over Saturday's Angelina Jolie leg gothic number. Mr Cad will be disappointed to have missed Darcey Brussells' spray-on dress.
Eighties pro dance: Where the styling was Bit Part Vampires Of Buffy... Unlike Buffy, the dance was crap - though I chuckled to see Anton and Brendan reduced to jukebox and cocktailography.
Special guest killing time between dramatic reveal bits: I couldn't tell if Will Young's dancing was trying to be piss-rippy or serious. He dropped Aliona with convicted gusto (serious dancing) then did a move where he stood with his legs spread and wiggled from hip to hip (piss-rippy). Either way, Will for Strictly 2016!
Next week: Lovely Carol wasn't naturally suited to the paso, but sticking her in an M&S brassiere and banning smiling helped. Surely she's on for the dance-off soon though. Surely!?!?
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