2015 - Week 2

So here we go, the week two endurance test ahoy! I missed the main show live, as Mr Cad wanted to watch Scotland in the rugby and as he's given up seven autumns for Strictly, it only seemed fair. Not sure what happens if Scotland play on another Saturday night though... One match, sure. Two matches...

Anyway, what occurred?

No longer a star of our show: Ciao for now, Iwan & Ola. I actually thought their cha cha was hilare - LMFAO was an apt soundtrack. Ola must've smelt the last chance saloon, as she threw everything she had at it; pecsography, assography, tattooography, thrustography, hair-extensionsography... But it wasn't to be. Surely that's it for Mrs Jordan now? At least she had her swansong in a trademark Ola outfit of dental floss and streamers. 

I'm not sad that we won't have to endure any more Iwan, but it's still worth re-watching this dance to see Dave Arch having a right old groove on the keyboards as he and his wonderful orchestra pump out a surprisingly acceptable version of I'm Sexy And I Know It. 

Dance off survivors: Jamelia & Tristan, which says a lot about her popularity (the forums certainly no likee). Dance-wise, even I could see her legs were too bendy - a well known cha cha cha no no no - and I wasn't that impressed by her twerking either, in spite of Tristan doing his best to rouse things, by yelling "SEXY SEXXXXAAAAY" during the bootyography (thank you for that reveal, Len's lens). On the other hand, Jamelia did look a vision in emerald party streamers, though poor Tristan must be fed up of donning that particular shade. I believe it's called Top O The Morning To Ya Father Ted Riverdance Boyzone Westlife U2 Brian O'Driscoll Guinness Leprechaun Blarney Stone Four-Leaf Clover Green, and is available in the Valspar paint collection range. 

And how did everyone else get on?

Daniel & Kristina's charleston: It was good to get Robo Daniel safely past such a mugging/expressive dance, but props to Kristina for putting in a lolz-some solo section to please Daniel's fan army. I also enjoyed the emphasis in the VT on LOOK DANIEL'S GOT A WIFE LOOK AT HIS WIFE HER NAME IS MAJELA SHE IS HIS WIFE MAJELA HIS WIFE IS HANGING OUT WITH KRISTINA WHO IS SHOWING NO SIGNS OF STEALING DANIEL SHE LIKES HIS WIFE NOTHING TO SEE HERE ETC ETC. Indeed that storyline was further backed up by a rather demure charleston dress, which was totes gorge and ironically ended up reinforcing Kristina's allure.

Faff klaxon #1: Ascot hat, champers and binoculars-ography. 

Kirsty & Brendan's salsa: It doesn't matter whether it's ballroom or latin, Brendan favours shunting or chucking his partner over teaching them. And to think Anton used to get my grief...   

Jay & Aliona's waltz: Great mover. Rigor mortis face. Who'd have thought the new hair, a cropped bouffe, could be worse than the previous poodle frenzy? But it was. 

Georgia & Giovanni's waltz: The real question is this - who had the more truly competent but utterly yawnsome waltz, Helen/Aljaž last week or Georgia/Giovanni this week? Probably Helen, but there's no way I'm wasting life on re-watching them both to find out. 

Ainsley & Natalie's salsa: Yes, it was mainly rubber-legged randomness, but you've got to hand it to Harriot - he gave it some gooooood face and some not entirely ridiculous improv. Though Darcey Brussells recreating his shoulder wiggle with peace-sign fingers was the highlight. 

Lovely Carol & Lovely Pasha's waltz: I'm just glad we get most of the waltzes done in the early weeks, as I never have anything interesting or funny to say about this dance and have officially run out of synonyms for 'boring'. But it was a definite improvement for Lovely Carol - and look, she survived! 

Kelly & Kevin's cha cha: I bloody love cheese - nine months without brie was essentially hell - but Kevin's choreography is TOO MUCH. It's going to put me off my cheese platter, and that is unacceptable. 

Anthony & Oti's waltz: Only more interesting than the other waltzes as there was the sense of danger that Anthony's shoulder or Oti's cleavage might pop at any moment. 

Anita & Gleb's charleston: Everthingbutthekitchensinkography - my brain is still overstimulated from all that was going on. Interesting that Wardrobe dressed Anita-as-Bonnie-off-of-And-Clyde in the style of a sexy cowgirl though. For realz, where was the beret?

Jeremy & Karen's American smooth: Who cares if it was shoddy - Jeremy was my favourite!!!!! His joy is just infectious and the judges' poo-pooing hit the wrong note. I think he could knock a better dancer or two out yet...

Faff klaxon #2: university library-ography, including Karen's turn as Sexy Librarian.

Katie & Anton's tango: Who'd have thought it would come to this - a time when I look forward to seeing Anton's performance for reasons of dance. Or that I look forward to seeing Anton's performance, period. I'm even overlooking how Anton tangoed sporting a woollen turtle neck in a shade of fake tan not seen since Robin's giant pecs left the show. 

Peter & Janette's quickstep: I thought it looked a bit dodge - but that's in the context of him being really good I guess. My ¡Manrara! fangirling continues - she looked amazing in diamanté leotard and swishy skirt made of posh hotel curtains. 

Helen & Aljaž's cha cha: We can now all happily add 'mechanic' to the list of outfits in Aljaž's great big dressing box. I imagine Janette spends much of her time replenishing it. Can I put in a personal request for Scotsman, please?

Tessdressmess: Saturday brought jumpsuit horror with added bandage décollté = a return to la Daly's bad self. Sunday brought upholstery-based fashion for both Tess and Claude. Claudia is also really loading up the kohl, even by her standards. It's a wonder she has the strength to lift her eyelids.

Pro dance: Truly lovely partner-swapping ballroom/circus skills swishy dance goodness. Plus Aljaž and Tristan in tails. Hello. 

Special guest killing time between dramatic reveal bits: Are we surprised the Rod Stewart pro routine was all the pro laydeez grinding chairs in spray-on leopard skin then catwalking up the stairs? (I.e. Not dancing whilst an old grizzly did some old grizzling.)

Judge-watch: They've now named their dance entrance ('The Strictly' - oh the originality), so it's here to stay. Boom town! I bloody love that hot mess.

Next week: Lovely Carol surely can't have that many weeks in her - not if there's more latin in the offing. Jamelia and Kirsty could be vulnerable too. I'm not even entertaining the notion that Jeremy might leave before he gets to dad dance a paso doble. Until then, keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...