Week 10

Well, whoooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooo! Hallejulah! Yessssss! Come on!!!!!!!!!!! As Craig hilariously sang in joyful elation, and in tribute to CeCe Peniston, FINALLY! So, with half-hearted apologies to Ben, let the jubilation and celebration - and competition, uhuh - begin! Oh Ann, ardent rightwing Commons voting record aside, in some ways I was warming to you. Forgetting the atrocious dances (hard, I know), she was clearly loving the show and loving Anton, and there was something school girl crush/stalkerishly endearing about that. I’ll also graciously admit that one or two of Anton’s comments about the absurdity of the whole partnership had actually made me chuckle in recent weeks (*gasp*) and let’s not forget his gold Blackpool trousers (Cad’s number 1, after all). But it was right for them to go now, before Ann scalped a properly good dancer, and I will not miss the following:

Everything else they did.

The irony, of course, is that Ann actually tried to dance this week – and look how the Strictly votership repaid her (go us!). Still, things were a little different this week anyway, as it was ‘Movie Week’, where our couples had to... well, it’s fairly self-explanatory. But here’s just a quick reminder of the movies (or FILMS as we call them) they all had:

Team Kartem: Moulin Rouge. (Slightly cheating, perhaps – it’s a musical about a musical, so incorporates plenty of, you know, dancing.)

Team Annton: Hello Dolly! (Never seen it, but might be persuaded to, if the lead character also wears sequined culottes?)

Team Mattiona: Austin Powers. (Though when I saw Aliona’s Union Jack dress, I was truly hoping for that seminal classic, Spiceworld - which I am not ashamed to say I saw at the cinema. NO SHAME, NO REGRETS, NO REFUNDS.)

Team Gavya/Katvin: Blues Brothers. (Inexplicably - but mercifully - Katya didn’t get Gavin to shake his tail feather at the judges this week.)

Team Sssssssscottalie: Bond, generic Bond. (Well I think it was generic Bond. Hopefully it was Octopussy. Mwahahaha ‘Octopussy’ = always funny.)

*interlude whilst Catherine googles* (NOT A EUPHEMISM)

OK, so Wikipedia informs me that Nats’ bikini was from Dr No, so, assuming we are applying logic to the concept of ‘films being performed through the medium of ballroom dancing’, then they did Dr No, or ‘the Bond with the bikini’ as I googled. OK. (And on the subject of that bikini, Abi texted me mid-show to point out that someone should have told Natalie Lowe her towel was tucked into her bikini bottoms. So true. How embarrassing.)

And finally, team PamJam: Ghost. (They did that memorable scene from the film where Swayze and Demi and/or Whoopi wear full on evening dress and do a Viennese waltz. A shame - I was hoping for the ‘angry ghost sticks head through speeding subway train’ scene.)

I wouldn’t want every week to be themed, but used sporadically, the theme week thing has won me over, so far. Especially as some of the dances only had the most tenuous link to the movies that they were supposed to be channelling. Yes, PamJam, I’m looking at you. But ignoring the theme seems to have been a winning tactic - congrats to them for this series’ first 40! Take that Natalie Lowe! And well done especially James Jordan for being only mildly smug at getting full marks – as his hairline recedes, apparently so does his ego. Still, he was egotistical enough to insist on playing a young Tom Cruise during the opening pro-dance - fortunately he looked a total plonker in aviator shades, bomber jacket and tight latin trousers with a ribbon along the seam. (Also, James and Ola's dance wasn't nearly homo-erotic enough to get anywhere near an accurate and successful portrayal of Top Gun.)

I found Matt’s Austin Powers jive a bit weird – am not convinced that Aliona’s strength lies in choreography. I appreciate that she’s up for trying something different, but maybe all the hair dye fumes are clouding her brain? (It’s fairly obvious that scarlet isn't her real hair colour - and the skimpy nature of her costumes has probably allowed us all to notice that she’s not a natural redhead. Ahem.)

I thought Kara and Artem’s Roxanne tango was fairly amazing too – and Craig called it ‘phan-tas-ma-gor-i-cal’ - Artem didn’t have a clue what it meant, but could tell that that was good because of all those syllables. I do love Artem’s mumbled use of English (his tweets are particularly excellent ) and this week he said in the VT that he loved Kara. LOVED her! Probably the reality (fancies her plenty, gets on with her, wants to wait and see where it might go) was a little lost in translation, but still, the shomance must go on!

Now Ann is vanquished, I’m finding it harder to pick who I want to go. Even Gavin is not without his charm – no-one does a deadpan VT of hilarity like Gav “I want to go all the way to the final” Henson. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But, obviously, he’s the one I’d most like to see leave next week. As for the long game, I know I’m slightly biased, but I would love to see an all-female final. Don’t get me wrong, Matt and Sssssscott are very, very good, but sometimes they’re a teeny bit perfunctory for me – I’m all about the lady sass. (*clicks fingers* *swishes hair* *pouts* *realises retrospectively that she cannot pull off any of those actions*)

We also saw some fairly good costume action (I refer you again to James as Cruise), but I do mourn the passing of Robin’s shirts. Fortunately, la Daly kept up the good fight against tasteful and flattering clothes; on Saturday, she wore a belted lamé sheet, which was less Tess Dress Mess than the j**psuit (the yardstick of heinousness by which all Tess’ outfits are now measured) but was still fairly vile. On Sunday, she donned a one shouldered LBD decorated by shards of glass. My two thoughts at the time were: 'Stegosaurus shoulder' and 'Like a glitterball sicked all over her'.

But possibly my favourite thing on Sunday (apart from Ann’s exit, of course) was the fact that the Manic Street Preachers were on, which must have slightly confused Strictly’s core demographic. My favourite thing about the Manics on SCD, apart from the randomness, was the stage décor – they opted to portray Strictly glamour with a few strategically placed animal statues - made of glitterballs!!! (Seriously brilliant, I spotted a glitterball panther and a glitterball Labrador, and possibly a glitterball naked man mannequin. A-ma-zing. Or as we must now say, phan-tas-ma-gor-i-cal.) Also Nicky Wire wore a leopardskin frock coat and had decorated his mike stand like a floral totem pole/traffic accident tribute. Say what you like about the Manics (and I’d say: “their recent discography has been pretentious, turgid dadrock of no discernable musical value”), but they totally made the effort for the show. If I’m being picky, I’d say it was a shame that we didn’t get Vinthent and Flavia doing a few twirls amongst the glitterzoo, but ultimately, licence fee very well spent.

Oh, let us again rejoice that we are riddy of Widdy! On It Takes Two last week, Claudia raised the prospect of her doing a jive at some point, “there isn’t a bra strong enough, darling” retorted Craig. OMG, TRUE DISTURBING FACT. Thank God we have all been spared that sight. Well done, belatedly, the Great British public.

And next week we are FINALLY promised the extra dances, including some kind of Friday (yes Friday) night swingathon - I bet everyone’s all the more relieved that Ann’s gone and Anton’s car keys won’t be involved. Also, rather terrifyingly, two couples are going this weekend – I cannot begin to call it. To my remaining rivals, Isabelle, Essi, Louise, Dan - let battle continue.