Semi Final

Well, that was all quite tense really – Gavin aside, anyone could have made that final, but in the end, for me, the right three went through. So well done Kara, Pamelar and Matt, la diva (more on strop-gate later).

Firstly, goodbye poor Sssssscott, and our lovely Louise. When Scott was good, he was very, very good, but overall he was sadly inconsistent. I felt like he half gave up after his cracking jive; he just seemed so knackered (I know I would be). I thought he did well with the Argentine tango and Charleston, but, for me, it was Natalie who let the side down - not because she is an emotionless fembot programmed only to DANCE and WIN (and probably to KILL in the name of dancing and winning), but because I wasn’t very impressed by her professional Argentine tango or Charleston abilities – oh miaow. (But it’s true.) Obviously, she is an EXCELLENT, if ice-cold, dancer, but neither of those dances seemed to suit her – too tall and Aussie-looking for tango (and what was that awful synthetic yellow hair piece about?), and too controlled and precise for Charleston, IMO. She just couldn’t nail the goofiness. In a way, it’s a shame, as I did like Sssssssscott and I didn’t even loathe Natalie as much as last year (I’ll blame Ricky Nipple for that), but what can you do if the public isn't there for you? Imagine the tension if there had been a dance off? OMG, hypothetically AMAZING. Still, even sans dance off, we've interestingly managed to end up with three quality dancers in the final... (Hahaha, "sans dance off" - oh the pretention! Not deleting it though, you'll note.)

And at least Scott went out wearing a sailor’s outfit. Remind you of anyone?

As for Gavin.... Oh Gavin. He tried, didn’t he? And I would never have predicted that he’d get so far – no way. Ultimately, I’ll always have fond memories of Gavin Henson on Strictly – he was a charisma-less orange hunky munt with no discernable dancing talent, but boy he made me laugh. I think his proclamation of love for Peter Andre was my moment of the series. Well done Gavin, well done. I salute you and your total lack of expression and comprehension at every stage of the process. He really is a man born to have other men run directly at him and jump on his head. Isabelle's £1 loss is Saracens' gain.

In retrospect though, I don’t think the ladies were ever in too much danger – Pamelar and Karar dance beautifully, have genuine chemistry with their partners (be it friendly or more-than-friendly) and have benefitted from some kind of journey/story arc, whether naturally or by edited design. I can never really take the rumba seriously, so am just going to skirt over Kartem's 'vertical expression of a horizontal desire' (thank you Vinthent) and Kara's little trip to Bad Hair Extension City, but I thought the Gone With The Wind-esque Viennese waltz was veeeery preeeety. However, Kara definitely had both feet off the floor when Artem spun her round, and it was therefore a LIFT, whatever Len says he say. He is old, though, and probably too vain to wear specs.

I also loved PamJam’s Gaga doble– totally nuts, but not in a random WTF Aliona way. We were discussing James Jordan’s choreography in the Cad household and we’ve come to the conclusion that James is really very good at pitching the dance exactly right each week – he’s a purist in terms of the steps and the feel, making sure each dance fits with what is conventionally expected, which Len likes, but also gives it enough of a story for Craig’s theatrical tastes. I must be mellowing in my old age – two years ago I could not bear James (or Ola!), and now I’m all pom-poms at the ready, go Jordans go.

Now then, Matt-gate. Well that was a rollercoaster, wasn’t it? (Well, maybe less of a rollercoaster and more of an average working see-saw.) First of all Matt and Aliona salsa-ed, which was fine, but nothing amazing; Matt wore pale yellow satin, Aliona wore a boob tube. Fine. Whatevs. But THEN, up Matt went to the mark, sweaty and expectant, and the judges DESTROYED him - which made everyone think ‘hang on a second, it wasn’t THAT bad! What’s all that about? That seems a bit harsh...’ THEN Tess did her interview of joy, where it became apparent that Matt was too gutted to even speak and was basically trying not to cry – even Tess seemed to notice that he wasn’t too happy, and didn’t lay into him in her usual delightful catty Tess way. And THEN, as we saw on Sunday’s recap, MATT STORMED OFF – NO BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW! NO ALIONA! GOSH!

Thing is, even though I’m putting lots of capital letters in there, to desperately try and up the drama, the fact remains that we didn’t really see much of the backstage strop (which was less flouncing and more walking away quickly, looking really upset) and we were probably all still too busy thinking about how unfair the judges had been (they have him just more point than Gavin’s hot mess samba!) The real drama came on Sunday though, when Matt had to TANGO FOR HIS LIFE, and that really was tense – I even went and sat up close to my TV to watch it, which I only usually do for a Vinthent-based pro-dance. And it was rather excellent, I thought – I wouldn’t have pitched a tango to Hung Up personally, but it was a good (rare) example of where Aliona’s slightly odd choreography actually works.

And at least Mattiona came second in the Swingathon, which was all a bit messy and random really. I didn’t hate it, but I did wonder what the point was. All I could really see was a load of petticoats and legs flailing, Gavin Henson looking lost and James Jordan apparently off to post-Swingathon darts match.

Costume-watch continues, though no crackers this week I didn't think. I've often meant to mention Alesha at this point, she usually wears something a wee bit odd (like a bling tutu or a ring the size of a satsuma), but I always forget - I think it's because she’s so very gorgeous that she generally gets away with her crazy fashion choices. Also, she’s usually upstaged by Tess Dress Mess. This week though, Tess’ dresses were fine, if dull - though arguably inoffensiveness is the worst fashion crime of all on a show like Strictly. (It was all a bit catalogue, darling.) But I did think that her Saturday night electric blue/one shoulder number could have been a size or two bigger – when you’re slim anyway, as la Daly is, it’s always better to upsize and avoid a visible spanx line. As for the rest, Katya wore a bright red bejewelled tent (pregnant? Please not Gavin’s) and Aliona brought out the big guns – not sure where she’d been hiding them during the rest of the series, but there they were, dangerously near the edge of her corset, ready to salsa. Perhaps that’s what distracted Matt.

Oh God, I’d nearly managed to wipe this from my memory, and I do apologise for bringing it up, but WHY OH WHY OH WHY are we subjected EVERY YEAR to Bruce ‘singing’ and ‘dancing’. It is just NOT ON. His jokes are bad enough – why can’t they just let things lie? And poor Ola, who had to run around on stage cheekily blowing kisses at him, dressed as Goldilocks, in a dress made of horrible lacy blue tights. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? Awful. It would have been distinctly preferable to have Ann back on, dancing with Peter Shilton. And that’s not a threat I make lightly. Still, there's every hope that Bruce will have retired by next year. Keep the faith.

Now then, readers, some sad news - I will not be able to watch the final on Saturday. Tragic, I know. It’s because I’ll be in France ski-ing – do your hearts bleed? So I won’t be able to blog either, I’m afraid, but fear not, because Dan (you know, PamJam Dan) has kindly agreed to guest blog the final for me! Thanks Dan – though obviously for sweepstake purposes, I hate you, and may Kara annihilate Pamela and Matt (am looking at you Essi) on the night. Let the prize be miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! Etc etc.

Thanks for all your lovely emails and comments these past few months – it’s been a blast discussing all these very serious and important issues with you all, and please feel free to text me live updates this Saturday (won’t be near email or Twitter though). I’ll probably be back for a Series 8 retrospective in early 2011 and then I’ll sit at home crying until Series 9 starts. Thank yooooooou byeeeee xx