Strictly on from 9-10pm?!! Did they not read the memo about me having a new baby? That's well past my bedtime. But I made it to the end and here's a paired-down (yes really) blog to prove it...
Tessdressmess: Cut-out neckline inspired by Santa's elves, apparently. Not good. Hair still on point though. As for Claudiadressmess...
Oh Claude: Look, she may not have quite finished getting dressed into that fairly (very) horrid eighties power suit-style monochrome number (we're not doing the bow up then, Claude?) and she may have upped the orange saturation on her fake tan another grade (it will soon be so orange only doggies can see it), but she's still that face emoji with the hearts for eyes. I LOVE HER.
Judge entrance dance-watch: Bar la Darce, they still can't really dance any more, can they? But I love that Bruno still went full Elton John video. I for one am delighted they kept this feature. Mainly to see how close to Darcey Len dares place his walnuts each week.
"Let's meet the stars of our show": Errrr, why has this has been changed to "our Strictly stars"?! I did not sign off on this. Unacceptable!
Kellie & Kevin's tango: I fear these two are going to be cheesier than the previously cheesiest thing ever, namely Alexander Rybak's Eurovision winner for Norway ("I'm in luuuuuurve with a fairytaaaaaale"/fiddle solo/etc). A Gorgonzola Austin Powers theme does not a passionate tango make, but mainly I was still reeling from the truly bonkers VT they made about Kellie's alter ego 'Mimi'. I can't even...
Anthony & Oti's jive: Sure, it was obvious that Oti had to choreograph around his injured shoulder and sure, it was unfortunate that that led to a somewhat wanky arm motion (that's wanky in the sense that... ok I'll stop it there), but he really tried, which was pleasing - no boxer 'tude at all. Other things of note: Oti is just too beautiful. No wonder Anthony's trousers split.
Aljaž & Helen's waltz: Yes, it was a great waltzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Lovely Carol & Lovely Pasha's cha cha: Positives: 1. Carol looked amazing. 2. PASHA CAME DOWN FROM THE CEILING THRUSTING ON A CARDBOARD THUNDERCLAP. 3. There is no 3.
Daniel & Kristina's waltz: Is Daniel O'Donnell really an actual robot? I mean, we thought Tess was dead behind the eyes... Also Kristina's attempt to do demure for the tabloids has had an interesting start: nothing says sedate innocent waltz like Kristina in a sprayed on, glitter-encrusted, white, wet look PVC vest.
Anita & Gleb's cha cha: Just really good, so no comedy jibes I'm afraid. They could have made more of Gleb's waders in the VT though. Had that been Artem, he'd have instantly gone topless, AND worn them for the performance, so Gleb needs to work a little harder before he gets that particular mantle.
Next time: the rest of them dance tonight - there are ten more couples, NINE MORE, DEAR GOD - so this will take decades. Anton's doing a jive by the way. I'll let you decide whether that's Must See or Perfect Wee Break. Til next time, keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
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