Series 10 - Week 10

So Nicky Westlife stood up off the tall stool of mediocrity and power-balladed his way out of the contest, along with Abi's £1.  Although it was certainly his time to go, it did feel like he was given a massive helping hand by the production - clearly shafted by the mix he got from CONfusion Week (SEE WHAT I DID ETC). Samba + American Smooth = producer-based sabotage.  It didn't help that, conceptually, I have no idea what the dance was really trying to achieve – Karen had come straight from the Mad Men typing pool, Nicky from a snooker tournament, and they'd jumped on the 17.07 to the seaside to American Samba on the terrace of the Strictly Fish and Chip Shop, just down the road from Flavia's Beach Hut and Natalie's Coconut Stall.  This seemed to mainly consist of getting Nicky to run at chairs, whilst Karen pulled them away last minute, with Nicky still defaulting to boy band nightclubbing when he lost his technique.

Van Jam were always going to win this, so the bottom two pairing effectively rendered the dance off itself pointless, though not before James Jordan had a hissy fit about how much Denise trained and how UNFAIR it all was, and Nicky had a bitch fit about how he wasn’t a TRAINED DANCER like his friend that cow Denise.  All a bit unsavoury, I thought.

 

On balance, I’d say it’s a Strictly adieu to Karen, rather than an ‘au revoir’, as I’m not sure she’s done quite enough to be kept on for Series 11; it all feels rather more Jared than Pasha, but we shall see.  I think we probably got more pizzazz from Iveta's two short weeks of animal print and cat face, than we did from Karen's ten week Ugg Boot tenure, but perhaps her total lack of chemistry with Nicky Westlife is to blame and we'd get more from her with someone else...  She was certainly no Katya, but, well, who is? 

 

I'm worried for my £1 stake now - Denise's popularity has not increased and the Daily Mail comments remain venomous.  Van Jam have now had a couple of dodgy weeks – one off-week was wise, as it humanised them, but two in a row is unfortunate, as it meant they couldn't rely on the impact - and safety net - of a Len-approved Comeback.  Their Jive-Quickstep seemed really promising at first; they'd set it in Erin's Gin Bar, a place where dreams are made, and were flicking, kicking and quicking rather delightfully, until, DOOM - wardrobe malfunction.  I couldn’t tell quite how it happened, as it wasn't like there was a long or wispy skirt in action, but, out of nowhere, there was an odd little ankle wobble, Denise's face went pale, and then the back of her dress was all jagged.  She did her best to get back on track, but it looked like she was too busy trying to get her heart to leave her throat - though she might have literally been trying to hold some sick down, given James' outfit; they'd taken Robin's pukey yellow shirt from last week and glitter-gunned it, which did nothing to improve its vileness levels.

 

Not that Robin will have cared about James taking his cast-offs, because, this week, THE GLITZ WAS BACK!  Electric blue, sequin frenzy, slashed to the navel, sheer side panels, hell yes.  Sadly the shirt was probably the best bit of Ri-Ro’s Cha Cha-Tango (Chango) – I loved the song choice and I enjoyed the concept, but whilst most of the dancers are improving, Lisa is losing her impact.  Her tango was very rabbit in headlights and although she relaxed into the cha cha, she relaxed a bit much and forgot her steps.  And did you notice Robin had a wee bit of trouble removing her skirt, Eurovision-style?  I suppose he isn’t used to ripping off ladies’ clothes.

 

Dani’s outfit came pre-ripped, but those daring cut out sections really suited her figure.  Sure, she benefitted from a combo of dances (Quickstep and Charleston) that fused together beautifully, but I thought this was WONDERFUL. Thwo thennths for Vinthent! Thenthathional! I know that Kimba got everyone’s hearts pounding, but for me, this was the dance of the night – based on the scientific evidence that it was the first performance of the series that I immediately wanted to watch again.

 

Not that Kimberley was poor - OBVIOUSLY, she was great, especially as she had to deal with wearing a scarlet mirkin.  I’m just not sure she was 40 great (*protects face from incoming missiles*).  In my defence, I didn’t see the show live and had already stumbled upon a Kimba Gets Full Marks spoiler, so perhaps my expectations for her Chango were too high.  Pasha did an incredible job, given the tough brief of fusing two dances together that are pretty different, but I couldn’t quite get on board with the mix – so I think it’s more my problem with the randomness of the fusion, rather than the performance.  Besides, however many Weathergirls you might throw at a tango, I’m just not ready for J-Don to lose his camp tango crown yet. 

 

In many ways, Louis had the worst deal, having to Rumba, regardless of what dance it got matched with (Tango in this case).  Though, on the plus side, I guess he's only had to do half a rumba, so that’s not bad going for a series of Strictly.  For me, fusing tango (fan) with rumba (not a fan) is a bit like ordering a pizza (fan) to discover it comes with mushrooms (not a fan).  It just spoils a good thing, frankly.  I also note that Flavia finally lost a bet to wardrobe – after a few weeks of gems, she had to wear Fraggle Rock: The Return.  A dress of fuchsia fringe is not a great look, even on Miss Cacace.

 

Whilst we’re chattin’ fashion, Saturday Tess: a vision in peach soft furnishings, with an old top left to fester and cover in lichen, but somehow, she wore it ok.  I preferred it to Sunday’s Lady in Red, with its bloodstained epaulettes and unnecessary frill.  Meanwhile, Mr Cad was delighted to note that Claudia had come in her slip.

 

The weirdest moment of the weekend was the Alice in Wonderland pro dance – with James Wonka Madhatter Depp taking on the appearance of a terrifying monkey.  I didn't really like it that much - happy with the idea and the stripy stockings, but I found it a bit dull.  So did Natalie, clearly, as she was nowhere to be seen.  This meant Erin had another Anton reprieve and got a go on Brendan (though, tough call, really).  But she is having a sterling partner swap season.

 

In other news, Bublé performed, but I used that time to go for a wee.

 

Well now, the end is near, and one couple won't make it to the four (wo)man final.  I think Lisa might lose out, unless she shows a distinct improvement, in which case, it will all depend on whether Denise faces a better performance from whoever else ends up in the dance-off.  Too close to call!  Exciting!  Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep etc!